i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
