it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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