I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
