I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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