I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
