u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
