I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
