no, he came in my armpit
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
