Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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