Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
