My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
