I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
