and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
