Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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