My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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