Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
