So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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