p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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