i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
