All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
