Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
