you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
