I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
