you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
