what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
