So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
