Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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