This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
