i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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