i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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