I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
