my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
