Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
