"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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