so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
