tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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