you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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