Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
