my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she pinky promised me she was 18
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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