i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
