Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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