It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
