dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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