Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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