My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
