Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
