i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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