dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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