Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
