New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
