You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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