My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I am morally bankrupt
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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