I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
