Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
