she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
