Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
