moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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