my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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