dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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