you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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