So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
