You're completely useless in the revolution.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize