question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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